Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
