let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
