You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
