Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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