at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
