If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
