just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
there was a trapeze. enough said
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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