i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
