So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
