Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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