just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
