How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
