ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
