chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
