I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
time to smoke my breakfast
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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