Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
