I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
