I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i dont even know how to be here
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
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It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
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I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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