I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
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I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
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We have started to decorate penises.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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