Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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