the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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