Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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