I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
