Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
