Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
They have beer where we have blood.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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