I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
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Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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