I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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