just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The ass gains better be worth it
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