no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
