he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
