It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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