Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
