Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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