Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Someone came in the potted fern
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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