Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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