Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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