oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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