It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
