someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
