you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
