This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
