Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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