I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
