I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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