My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
