It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
