I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
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just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
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Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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