The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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