she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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