i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
