I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
