chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
