my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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