if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
