You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
