If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
