it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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